I drove home from Georgia today through the foothills of Alabama. A quiet few days that were spent much differently than planned. I think that is perhaps my life verse at the moment “much different than perhaps planned.” It’s so very easy to get into the space of “oh my” as this and that comes at us in life, but today I again reminded myself that as I drove and looked at the beauty of a blue sky, felt the warmth of a bright sunshine, and heard the voice of my child’s laughter as she checked on my journey, we live in a world where much of what we experience we choose, and the choices we choose can be chosen the same or differently.
Personally I prefer to believe that chocolate is one the fourth major food group, that people in general prefer to be givers and helpers than takers, that food shared is more divine and that somewhere is a cabin and barn with my name on it and it will show up in the next year. We all believe things that affect who and what we see, when we fear and how we live…it’s time to choose to believe that life is this moment, not some other, some someday or perhaps was then, not now, and engage, embrace, and enlarge what is possible…and release what is, for now, not.
Life seems not very fair at the moment. The government shut down directly affects my personal version of security at home financially. My business is not one you drum up business in 3 days to cover a lost paycheck, yet I am so very blessed to have ongoing coaching, web development, and professional writing. We had chosen me to work half time the last few years to homeschool our child with learning issues, and so I have, and I will never be sorry for that commitment. I have some comprehension that our worst case scenario is losing a home, and if not prudent about payments on time, my husband’s high security clearance which is necessary for his level position if they do get called back to work at DoD. The potential to be without this home is something that is sad, but in the scale of that which others face, is not horrid. Losing a child, facing devastating loss of health, cruelty that has no reason…those are tragedies…what I am facing is indeed hard, and painful, but if life can be “fixed” with money, it’s simply a significant inconvenience….a hard mirror to face perhaps, but one that I am willing to continue to keep repeating to myself in that mirror. (This too shall pass, this too shall pass….)
It would be so easy to get into a bed, grab a quilt and blame the world…but it won’t bring financial peace any faster. Creating might, working might, networking may, but all in all it is generally agreed that depression won’t help any situation, and yet I know that that is where I am, and so the daily do is to do what I can do, and focus on what is, and not what should have been. After all, I so very blessed, and I mean that…I look around this space and see picture after picture of how engaged, embraced we are with a life that works for our family…and so though this moment in life is “much different than perhaps planned”…let it be an adventure of letting go…and the first thing I’m letting go tonight is the shame of being in this situation to begin with. (Thank you Brene’)
Let the adventure begin…